Just say Hell Yes!

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Are you a “yes” man/woman?

You know what I mean. That kind of person that says yes when someone asks for a favor forgoing your needs? That kind of person that says yes because like me, you are afraid of missing out?

Or maybe, also like me, you say yes when you really mean maybe or even no because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

Sometimes saying yes can cause breakthroughs.

I started saying YES to all social activities I was invited to about 20 years ago.  I realized, as outgoing as I was, I said NO a lot because I had anxiety about entering a room of people I didn’t know. So, I took on saying YES to parties, and drinks with new friends, and hikes with groups of strangers.

That had a profound effect on me. My social anxiety disappeared and I no longer felt like a fake when I said: “it’s so good to meet you” because now I honestly meant it.  That was a real turning point for me in my life and I’m glad I did it.

But now, I want to get better at setting my own personal boundaries. The biggest thing that stops me from setting and holding my own personal boundaries is my fear that I will hurt someone’s feelings if I say no. 

You want help moving? I say yes to the exact times you need me but show up stressed out because I skipped my workout to help you.  Then I feel resentful because I didn’t ask for what I really wanted, which was to come later AFTER yoga.

You want to go hear music tonight? I say yes because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. I put on my “game” face and force myself to be social even though I’d rather be home with a good book. I’m not hearing the music because I’m not present at all and go home early because I’m “tired.”

But who in the heck wants someone around who isn’t a “HELL YES” to whatever was requested?

I thought about practicing say “no.” But that didn’t sound like much fun. So I decided I’m going to start practicing being a HELL YES!

What about you? Do you say yes when you don’t mean it? What would it take for you to be a HELL YES?