You Don’t Need to Change Who You Are. You Just Need to Use It.
Let’s cut the crap.
You’ve been told (directly or indirectly) that if you want to lead at the next level, you need to “work on your executive presence.”
What does that even mean?
Polish your voice like a LinkedIn post?
Walk into a room like you’re auditioning for Succession?
Smile more, but don’t be too warm?
Speak up, but not too loudly?
It’s exhausting. And spoiler alert: it’s not working.
Not because you’re doing it wrong.
But because the whole damn system is.
So let’s get one thing straight:
You don’t need to change who you are.
You need to use who you are, with purpose, out loud, and unapologetically.
“Who the hell am I? I don’t recognize myself. I’m a badass.”
Cindy said that to me, unprompted, on a recent call inside the Executive Presence Accelerator.
And yeah, I cried because I’ve watched this woman go from anxious and overfunctioning to laser-focused, self-trusting, and leading like a boss while advising her actual boss.
Here’s the kicker.
She didn’t take a class on how to be more assertive.
She didn’t beg for permission.
She didn’t suddenly find her confidence at the bottom of a protein shake.
What she did was this:
She asked for more responsibility.
She challenged the power dynamics in the room.
She called out the BS.
She made decisions from leadership, not fear.
“I’m usually anxious and trying to save everyone,” she said.
“Now I’m guiding my team instead of overreacting. I’m even giving my boss advice on how to manage his boss.”
Are you hearing this?
She didn’t become someone else.
She finally stopped waiting and started trusting what was already inside her.
Stop Shrinking. Start Shaping.
You know this story, right? Because maybe you’ve lived it.
You’ve led teams through chaos.
You’ve stayed late, spoken up, and still got passed over.
You’ve been told you’re a great team player, while Todd from accounting gets promoted for knowing how to breathe and click “Reply All.”
Here’s the truth: no one’s going to put on your performance review.
You’ve already done the work.
You’ve proven yourself ten times over.
The next step isn’t about proving anything.
It’s about owning it.
But here's what I’ve learned, and what Cindy reminded me of.
We’re never done with this work.
And maybe that’s a good thing.
Because every time we come back to it, every time we look in the mirror and say, “Okay, where am I holding back,” we do it a little braver, a little louder, a little more grounded.
That’s called evolution.
And you’re in it.
So... What If You Didn’t Wait?
What if you didn’t wait for your manager to see your potential?
What if you didn’t soften your voice to make everyone else comfortable?
What if you didn’t dilute your ideas to be “palatable”?
What if you led like the woman you already are?
No more shrinking. No more shape-shifting.
Just showing up in full technicolor, grabbing the mic, and making sure the room adjusts to you.
Not because you yelled louder.
Because your presence said, “I know who I am.”
“Paws” and Reflect**
Let’s take it to the real.
Where have you been waiting for permission you never needed?
What would it look like to lead like you trust yourself TODAY, not someday?
What’s one Cindy-level move you’re ready to make this week?
You’ve Got the Power. Now Use It.
Cindy’s story isn’t a one-off.
It’s what happens when women stop playing small and start leading like the whole, powerful humans they already are.
That’s the work we do inside the Executive Presence Accelerator. No fluff. No performative presence drills. No “lean in” lectures.
Just real women stepping into real power, one conversation, one courageous moment, one hell yes at a time.
You ready?
Because I’m walking this path with you.
Hi. I’m Jen Coken, and I approve this message.
**” Paws” and Reflect is the phrase I use throughout my new book, “Make Imposter Syndrome Your Superpower” to help you apply what you are reading. I use this phrase because some neuroscientists believe that when we are playful with serious subjects, it reduces the number of repetitions it takes for our brain to form a new habit. Now that I’ve gotten all nerdy on you, here’s a photo of me demonstrating “Paws” and Reflect during a speech I was giving several years ago.
