Don’t Get Stuck with Why Me!

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Life today is really different than it was when we were kids, isn’t it?  

Everyone seems so busy these days, stressed out, overwhelmed and worried about the future. All of this leaves us exhausted and we never seem to take a moment to breathe and really enjoy the richness that life has to offer. What’s worse is we know we are supposed to take time to “smell the flowers” but who has time for that? The kids need to be picked up or dinner needs to be on the table or the boss is calling or you need to work late or…. Whew. Just talking about this is getting me stressed out.

Maybe you’ve gotten laid off from your job, or you’re having a rough time with your family, or you’re in a dark phase of your life and you want to figure out how to lighten your load.

Well I can totally relate. 2011 was a really hard year for me. My marriage had ended, my Mom died of ovarian cancer and 11 other people in my life died that year. Then I moved 2,000 miles away from my support structure to take a dream job that wound up being a total nightmare.  I was lost, felt out of control and the future looked bleaker than I’d ever thought possible.

To say I was stalled out was an understatement. Thankfully I found a way to turn my darkest moments into my greatest gifts and then wrote a book about it. But as helpful as my book is, there are times you need to talk to someone who’s been there. That’s why I also offer life coaching, to remind you how amazing you are and what a gift you are to this world.

One of the major lessons I learned was this: Don’t get stuck asking yourself the question “Why Me?” Asking this question is a natural reaction to what is going on, but don’t spend time a lot of time on it because it will get you nowhere. Have it over for dinner, have a few drinks with it, but don’t let it sleep in your bed because you will regret it in the morning. (Don’t we always?)

See, going to sleep with that question will not only color your waking moments but it will begin to impact your dreaming moments as well. That stress will become embedded in your brain as a new neuronal pathway. Then upon awakening, what was merely a question blurted out last night in a fit of rage by an upset five-year-old having a tantrum has now become a part of who you think you really are. You’ll forget it was merely one thought (among many) and it will now become a part of a new reality. 

I want to give you a different and more powerful question to ask yourself. Ask instead “What could I learn from what is happening in my life right now?” It will take courage on your part to do some serious self-reflection. This won’t be easy but it will give you far more power.  

If you don’t feel prepared to do that, that’s okay. Just send me an email. I’d love to help you shed some light on those dark areas of your life.  (jencoken@gmail.com)